Observing 'No'

How many times a day do I use the word 'No'? How often do I begin a response to my child's question with 'No'?

No, you can not go outside right now.
No, you've had too many sweets already.
No, you can't wear that dress.
No, don't play with that, staplers are dangerous.
No, I don't feel like making that right now.
No, you can't watch another episode.
No, I don't have anymore.

'No' is a reflection of the prevalence of self-imposed limitations in my own life. It's unconscious regurgitation of my mother's micro-managing style of parenting.

Yet, I'd always imagined, even daydreamed how my children would grow up differently than I; how free they'd be.

These days I want to actively observe my speech patterns and provide options rather than dead ends.

A Wealthy Kind of Mind

Amish Wooden Piggy Bank. credit: dutchcrafters.com

We often discuss our 16 year old daughter's susceptibility to wasteful consumerism. She's the B.B. King of shopping: prone to singing, 'The Thrill Is Gone' shortly after acquisition of the latest and greatest. To paraphrase my husband's commentary on the matter, it's important for her to transfer the joy of purchase to the joy of knowing that she CAN purchase. The joy increases as the saved dollars and sense increase with regularly practiced restraint.

I recently stumbled into a blog entitled, 'The Hidden Costs of Material Possessions". WOW, it really hit home. The writer's train of thought makes so much sense, it actually connected the dots, one light at a time, in my mind! In fact, such thinking could lead to the attainment of what I like to call, 'a wealthy kind of mind'.

Now, if only I can get the teenager to buy into the idea that she too can have a wealthy kind of mind. Sounds like a late night infomercial, I know, but I want her to understand and experience the power of choosing not to spend frivolously in a consumption-driven world.

Not too many of us have been taught to consider the value of our possessions from a methodically neutral point of view. Do we ever weigh the hidden costs against the actual value an item can potentially bring to our lives?

Here’s the premise in a nutshell:

1. Each possession has a ransom – cost of purchase.
2. Once obtained, it takes up physical space. Every square inch of space we call home or storage has an attached cost. For instance, a 900 sq. ft. apartment costs less than a 1,500 sq. ft. home.
3. Many select the size of residence based on the number of people and stuff  that need housing. Your residence comes with maintenance costs (in time, effort and money).
4. Similarly, each possession comes with its own maintenance cost (updating, repairs, cleaning, etc.).
5. Many items require accessories that also have the cost of purchase, storage and maintenance.
6. Each time you move, there is a cost of transporting the possessions. Moving can also include change in residence, change in location of item in the home, or taking the item with you on a daily basis (a cell phone often needs a carrier, coins might need a coin purse).
7. Having items of value inevitably introduces the possibility of theft. As the blogger states, “you must sacrifice a certain peace of mind and perpetually worry about someone taking it all away.”
8. Not all items are equal in value. The less valuable items clutter prime real-estate (both physical and mental). In other words, your most valued items eventually become crowded out by items of lesser value.

The idea is to engender thoughtful purchasing, to consider the costs that advertisers don't include in their seductive ads. We increase wealth by saving resources (money, time, energy, mental/physical space). Chances are we wouldn't have bought most of the unused, under-utilized, broken or out-of-fashion possessions currently sitting in drawers and taking up space on shelves or in boxes, if we'd thought it through. What's worse, some of these items were bought with credit that takes years to pay off. The peace of mind that comes with living a debt-free life is immeasurable.

In my opinion, the person of fewer possessions who honors, values and maintains each of them is the wealthiest of all. Here's to hoping that our 16 year old will, sooner than later, appreciate the value and accumulated cents (sense) of a wealthier kind of mind.